First, a little mood music.

Last night the St. Louis Blues defeated the Boston Bruins in Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals. The final score of the game was 4-1 in favour of St. Louis and the victory ended their fifty-three years of heartbreaking futility, as they have now won their first ever Stanley Cup. It’s a long overdue reward for the loyal Blues fans who have stuck with the team through many, many years of tough times. It’s also an incredible story of a team that was in the bottom of the NHL standings midway through the season, only to take a chance with a rookie goaltender and ride his hot-streak-to-end-all-hot-streaks all the way to the Finals. Hollywood couldn’t script it better.

But enough about that. Let’s be honest. We’re here for the other half of the story.

THE BRUINS LOST. AT HOME. IN GAME 7. OF THE STANLEY CUP FINALS.
AND I. AM. HERE FOR IT.

Look at that. Just look at it. It’s glorious. I want this picture framed and put on my wall. It’s so beautiful, it makes me want to cry. The irony!

This is what sports are all about. Sure, sometimes it’s about your team winning (if you’re lucky). But more often than that, it’s about hated teams losing. And boy, oh boy, this loss couldn’t have happened to a better team.

The Bruins have now lost in the Stanley Cup Finals twice in seven years, proving themselves to be nothing more than masterful choke artists. Previously, they lost in the Finals in 2013 against the Chicago Blackhawks, and hopefully you remember how that ended because it was hilarious.

This time, however, was satisfying in a whole different way. This time the Bruins weren’t out-skilled by their opponent, but straight up out-Bruin’d. They had to face a Blues team that was tougher, meaner, and Bruin-er. It was so, so satisfying to see the tables turn and hear their fans whine about cheapshots and poor officiating. And here I am, with the world’s tiniest violin, happy to play a little tune for the least sympathetic fans in all of sports. I’m so sorry you have to go another five months until Boston’s next championship parade, you chowdah-guzzling beanheads.

So that’s it for the 2018-19 NHL season. The road to next season starts on June 21st, as the 2019 NHL Draft is set to begin in Vancouver. And thank the hockey gods we don’t have to hear every GM get on that stage and congratulate the Boston Bruins for winning the Cup.

Seriously, St. Louis, we all owe you one.